I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize