I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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