Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you made out with another girl for some wings
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
