Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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