had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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