If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
