I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
