plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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