Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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