I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
