Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize