yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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