turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
