Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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