in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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