Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
