I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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