I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize