you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
