His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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