I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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