when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
