1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
