I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
