Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
