Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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