i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
