Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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