I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
do nipples grow back?
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