Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
