just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
