i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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