someone threw a dead crab at me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
