PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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