chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Randomize
