If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
