I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
