Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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