call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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