you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
