I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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