My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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