I think my fart just growled at me.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
