I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
