OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
