this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
