I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Drake has all the answers
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
