So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
