They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
