So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
