When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
