Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize