Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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