Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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