i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
