Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
