This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
