I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
