so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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