call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
