I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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