I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
