also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
