What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
