remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
