wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
