I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize