Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
