I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
