He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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