Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
