You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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