Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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