She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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