For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
