I heard we made out
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
