I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
