I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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