Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
