Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize