Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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