I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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