this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
