My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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