You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I want to have your abortion
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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