If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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