Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
