I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
