Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
